Love you are
a silver glow
a ball of light
in my night sky
I chase, you hide
behind clouds, with stars around you
and disappear with dawn
never mine
Your gravity holds me
I’m pushed out to sea
and drawn in once more
you wax and wane
and I
in the darkness you leave
look skyward
still…
My stirring pot
red painted letter
blame, wrong
dirty secrets
bare old bones
stewed up
an intoxicating brew
clear vision makes plain
the reflection
you
my heart
is finest paper
and you’ve written your song
in loud words and tight scribbles
stray marks
erasures
imprints, folds, holes and scars
where your writing
pierced through
and made a blank page
beautiful
He waved a welcome
Standing patiently as I wheeled my cart clumsily toward him
Through the crowd
A cart full, a mind full
But not so full to notice how painstakingly he lifted and scanned every item
While making awkward conversation
About why snowmen are always dressed in warm clothes
And joking about how perhaps
Perhaps
“They wear clothes because it’s cool”
Something I’d never thought of before
I knew that he was reaching
Simple interaction…something
Transaction
Eye contact and a smile as I handed him my cash
Said a sincere thank you
Pocketed my change and walked away
His smile was beautiful
the kind of smile that keeps secrets
the kind every girl loves but none could hold
And when he kissed her
it was the most delicious of kisses
tasting mildly of vodka
and cigarette
and mint
The best she’d ever had
the best she ever would have
and the one kiss she wished to touch her lips
for all the days of her life
The one kiss she prayed would never end.
Only, like all great storybooks
it did
And like all great stories
she was left wanting to know more
of this strange and wonderful character
and how the story might go on
if only
if only
It’s not so easy
But it’s easy to pretend
To be anyone at anytime but me
Off balance
Deliberate
Knowing that the wind can send me toppling
That the line can break
And leave me grasping hopelessly
Torn veil
Judgment passes through
As effortlessly as the sun blots out the stars upon rising
Twilight
Before the dawn of understanding
The voices in the background will always play the loop
It is my choice to listen
And let the tight rope hold me
Or simply let go
I’m trying to tap into some issues I’ve kind of pushed aside because I’ve come to a point where I need to purge. Sadness has been a big one for me. Even when the sun shines, in my world, the sky is overcast. There are people I miss, experiences I haven’t had the opportunity to fully appreciate or feel. I have a sense that I need to allow myself to mourn, and in the process come to accept that my life may not be what I dreamed or desired, but through it all, I am here. I am alive and I know what it means to feel deeply. I know what it means to love fiercely, even when the odds stacked against me crashed down with such force that everything I had was torn away. Life. It’s a ride and I’m trying to get to that place where even when I’m tossed around like a bag in the wind, I am grateful. It begins, for me, with letting go and being comfortable being alone.
Untitled
This isn’t where I imagined I’d be at 7
Barbie and her white dress with its lace and frills
Promised me a future of happy ever after…not this.
The one I dreamed when the boy with the brown eyes and crooked smile
Easy laugh and nervous, almost careful conversation
Took my heart and every beat after
He said I was beautiful
His
Love
No word before or since has ever warmed my bones so deeply and completely
A vow, forever
Even with you gone, I feel it
Truth is, there was always something greater than us
Neither of us could handle the weight together
Years later I’m still getting used it
The quiet left in the aftermath of a storm
Picking up the pieces left behind
Alone
Like finding just what you need in a place you maybe wouldn’t have thought to look. Inspired by the finding of a black bow tie at a thrift shop near downtown Indianapolis. It was the finishing touch to a Halloween costume and just as I began to think “we might need to go to a tuxedo shop somewhere and find a new one” there it was. I found it. All I needed was patience and the willingness to SEE. And all it cost, this bit of joy, was 40 cents!
Thrift
A dented gold bell tinkles a welcome
Where mounds of long forgotten and discarded things are sifted and sorted and hanged and shelved in order of size and type and color, though not so orderly that the undiscerning eye can find the value
But where small treasures nonetheless exist
where old things, used and dented and perhaps even abused things
When found by loving hands
Can be made new
I see you in the strangest places
A parking lot
A crowded mall
A child’s smile
And I realize…I miss you
And I realize it doesn’t matter
Fall wind still blows the leaves
And Winter ushers in the silence
That lives until put to rest by Spring
Who surrenders to the heat of Summer
And the sun still rises and sets
On an expectant and anticipating world
Even if it never rises in my heart
Because the fact is…
You went away and left me with a ghost that haunts
And calls to me in the dark
Reminding me with every sigh
All you were to me.
Golifely 