It’s not so easy
But it’s easy to pretend
To be anyone at anytime but me
Off balance
Deliberate
Knowing that the wind can send me toppling
That the line can break
And leave me grasping hopelessly
Torn veil
Judgment passes through
As effortlessly as the sun blots out the stars upon rising
Twilight
Before the dawn of understanding
The voices in the background will always play the loop
It is my choice to listen
And let the tight rope hold me
Or simply let go
I’m trying to tap into some issues I’ve kind of pushed aside because I’ve come to a point where I need to purge. Sadness has been a big one for me. Even when the sun shines, in my world, the sky is overcast. There are people I miss, experiences I haven’t had the opportunity to fully appreciate or feel. I have a sense that I need to allow myself to mourn, and in the process come to accept that my life may not be what I dreamed or desired, but through it all, I am here. I am alive and I know what it means to feel deeply. I know what it means to love fiercely, even when the odds stacked against me crashed down with such force that everything I had was torn away. Life. It’s a ride and I’m trying to get to that place where even when I’m tossed around like a bag in the wind, I am grateful. It begins, for me, with letting go and being comfortable being alone.
Untitled
This isn’t where I imagined I’d be at 7
Barbie and her white dress with its lace and frills
Promised me a future of happy ever after…not this.
The one I dreamed when the boy with the brown eyes and crooked smile
Easy laugh and nervous, almost careful conversation
Took my heart and every beat after
He said I was beautiful
His
Love
No word before or since has ever warmed my bones so deeply and completely
A vow, forever
Even with you gone, I feel it
Truth is, there was always something greater than us
Neither of us could handle the weight together
Years later I’m still getting used it
The quiet left in the aftermath of a storm
Picking up the pieces left behind
Alone
Sometimes the sky does fall
Crashing down
A million tiny pieces
And there is no way to fix the looking glass to hide the flaws
So the rain pours
And your chest hurts from the weight your heart has carried
And your fingertips bleed from the many times you tried to sweep away the pain of your brokenness
And your knees
Oh God
Your knees are raw from all the times you prayed to see the sun shine through the shattered bits of sky
The bits of sky you still see when you look up
The bits that remind you of the beginning
When it was all brand new
The bits that bend the sunlight as the rays pass through
And like a prism, scatter the beams
Leaving rainbows in unexpected places
A laugh overheard as you make your way down the aisle of a familiar store
The wag of a shaggy dog’s tail as he runs to greet you at the door
Hope that someday,
Someday maybe
You’ll feel brand new again.
Golifely 