beautiful boy
with dark lashes and brown eyes
my first best friend
we played in innocence
held hands and walked in stride
you were sunshine, in my lonely world
of beaches and butterflies
loss
S.O.S.
You think you’ll find love
and you do for a moment
in the arms of a boy
with eyes that see into
the places other people won’t
or can’t
And you fashion an image
of happy ever after
very much like the movies
you watched with your grandpa
before he died
Only the rescue
never happens
the sun goes down
and rises without him
And you realize
you were holding
the life preserver all along…
Motions
My heart keeps drumming
along with the daily must do’s
Eat.
Stop.
Sleep.
Stop.
Work.
Stop.
Shower.
Stop.
Breathe.
When even combing my hair is a task
and looking in the mirror cuts like glass
and tears fall warm on my pillow shell
It beats.
Reminding me
that life goes on
Or rather
it’s just not time to die.
Seasons
You are winter wind
that bites my face
and burns my lungs
Fleeting and painful
in the moment you are here
and in the next,
gone like snow that gently melts away
in springtime sun
Returning as the leaves
of summer green
and put to rest
by autumn darkness falling
a memory I live again
Like seasons…
Ghost
The taste of dark brew
conversations overheard
from a wooden chair at the coffee shop
where the clatter of glass
a laugh a smile
all of these are reminders
of what was had and what is lost
and of the fleeting, dizzying pace of time
all things go on
as I go on
your ghost
like fading photographs
my company
Sometimes you gotta just deal
I’m trying to tap into some issues I’ve kind of pushed aside because I’ve come to a point where I need to purge. Sadness has been a big one for me. Even when the sun shines, in my world, the sky is overcast. There are people I miss, experiences I haven’t had the opportunity to fully appreciate or feel. I have a sense that I need to allow myself to mourn, and in the process come to accept that my life may not be what I dreamed or desired, but through it all, I am here. I am alive and I know what it means to feel deeply. I know what it means to love fiercely, even when the odds stacked against me crashed down with such force that everything I had was torn away. Life. It’s a ride and I’m trying to get to that place where even when I’m tossed around like a bag in the wind, I am grateful. It begins, for me, with letting go and being comfortable being alone.
Untitled
This isn’t where I imagined I’d be at 7
Barbie and her white dress with its lace and frills
Promised me a future of happy ever after…not this.
The one I dreamed when the boy with the brown eyes and crooked smile
Easy laugh and nervous, almost careful conversation
Took my heart and every beat after
He said I was beautiful
His
Love
No word before or since has ever warmed my bones so deeply and completely
A vow, forever
Even with you gone, I feel it
Truth is, there was always something greater than us
Neither of us could handle the weight together
Years later I’m still getting used it
The quiet left in the aftermath of a storm
Picking up the pieces left behind
Alone
Random, because I miss you
I see you in the strangest places
A parking lot
A crowded mall
A child’s smile
And I realize…I miss you
And I realize it doesn’t matter
Fall wind still blows the leaves
And Winter ushers in the silence
That lives until put to rest by Spring
Who surrenders to the heat of Summer
And the sun still rises and sets
On an expectant and anticipating world
Even if it never rises in my heart
Because the fact is…
You went away and left me with a ghost that haunts
And calls to me in the dark
Reminding me with every sigh
All you were to me.
Golifely 