Navigation: lost

Sometimes there’s just a hole
and sometimes it remains
no matter what you use
to try to fill it
to smooth out the road ahead
sometimes the sun won’t shine in
the dark spaces between
no matter your speed or
the size of the dust clouds
kicked up by road-worn tires
no matter how you try
to blink away the clouds
and the storms they bring

so you open the floodgates
let the roiling pain slip through
to light flash strips on the pavement and in morning find yourself a different being…mourning the lightness of what once was while trying to navigate the heaviness of what is
watching the mile markers go by
lost

Headspace

All I do is scream
Even my conversation
is a shout, unbearable
to my own ears
Who am I?
It seems anger has taken over
speaks for me in my dreams
and waking hours
In harsh tones and insults
An axe blade to chop down
Feelings of vulnerable me
that later show themselves as hot tears, salt poured on wounds too deep to heal
A headspace I want desperately
to leave…

Moon

Love you are
a silver glow
a ball of light
in my night sky
I chase, you hide
behind clouds, with stars around you
and disappear with dawn
never mine

Your gravity holds me
I’m pushed out to sea
and drawn in once more
you wax and wane
and I
in the darkness you leave
look skyward
still…

Kettle Black

My stirring pot
red painted letter
blame, wrong
dirty secrets
bare old bones
stewed up
an intoxicating brew
clear vision makes plain
the reflection
you

Art

my heart
is finest paper
and you’ve written your song
in loud words and tight scribbles
stray marks
erasures
imprints, folds, holes and scars
where your writing
pierced through
and made a blank page
beautiful

River at night

Moonlight ripples
over fluid blackness
deep
mysterious
free

lapping against
rugged shore
cut raw
and jagged
with time

To be One
with you
flowing stretch
of infinite
liquid silver
dancing subtly
on black
illuminating
obscure destiny

You in me
as the river
in canyons
Of earth

Nightfall

In twilight
leaves of fire fade
to pallid shades of gray
the chittering of nightly things
replaces sounds of day
Old bones that lay beneath the dirt
of soon forgotten lives
no longer speak of earthly worth
but wither, shrink and dry
The box encases naught but dust
within a span of age
Prayers of the living
to entrust the souls
to God to save

One Springtime

Years have passed
But something about springtime takes me there
That place in time
To quiet nights with only you
and mornings waking to the birds
Singing their happy songs
To something I can only call hope
Today was one of those days
When something about the breeze
Or the clouds
Or the sounds
Took me back
It’s an easy thing to do
Remembering you
And also the hardest
Losing you…
Despite it all,
I am grateful and like the springtime
Hopeful
That I feel the sunshine
Caress my skin
And awaken springtime once again
In me

Silence

I don’t know when I decided
To believe
To drink deeply of the death
You spoke to me
Hold it in my belly like a gift
Feel its weight grow heavy
Heavy
Upon my beating heart
Stop
And make me silent as the grave
The dead don’t talk
They say

Shopping

He waved a welcome
Standing patiently as I wheeled my cart clumsily toward him
Through the crowd
A cart full, a mind full
But not so full to notice how painstakingly he lifted and scanned every item
While making awkward conversation
About why snowmen are always dressed in warm clothes
And joking about how perhaps
Perhaps
“They wear clothes because it’s cool”
Something I’d never thought of before
I knew that he was reaching
Simple interaction…something
Transaction
Eye contact and a smile as I handed him my cash
Said a sincere thank you
Pocketed my change and walked away