I go to the gym about 4 days a week on average. It’s all part of a fitness plan I’ve managed to stick to for the last 3 years, despite my general inability to stick to anything with any kind of consistency. Yes, I am consistently inconsistent most of the time. Anyway, back to the gym story. So I went into the gym, put my stuff in a locker in the ladies room and after sprinting on the treadmill for about 3 miles, went back to the locker room, showered, and because it is winter and cold as hell outside, decided I’d sit in the sauna for a bit before I head home. The sauna was empty, so I found a place and made myself comfortable.

I understand, being that I am a woman and have been going into women’s locker rooms for ages that a glimpse of a body part belonging to someone who is not ME is inevitable. However, what I had to endure yesterday was just…inhumane. A lady wearing nothing but her birthday suit rushes into the sauna and proceeds to BEND OVER and put lotion on. I wouldn’t have minded that so much. I can get over the naked despite the fact that the signage outside of the sauna CLEARLY says that you must be wearing some form of undergarments AND a towel upon entering the sauna. I know people usually can’t be counted on to READ, but damn. Follow examples then. People come and go out of the sauna all the time and they are covered at the very least with a towel. However, she was NAKED and her ass was less than two feet from my face. Talk about a “WTF” moment. No. No. No. You do NOT do things like that. NEVER, ever, (ever ever ever!) put your ass crack naked JUNK that close to an innocent stranger. It’s just beyond any normal human beings level of comfort, not to mention completely inconsiderate. I can appreciate that you have no shame, that you are comfortable in your skin and maybe even that you are a little frickin’ crazy and you think that rushing into a sauna butt naked and slathering on lotion with your ass in a stranger’s face is an OK thing to do. Unfortunately, there are those of us who would prefer not to be victims of such a brazen act of defiance against all that is good and holy. Yes, I said I was victimized. Because seriously, YOUR ASS?! In my FACE?! Needless to say, my time in the sauna was cut dramatically short. I am hoping my memory of this event fades just as quickly.